The world started as a single unit. Everything was equal. There existed no demarcations, no boundaries. And then happened what makes the world as to what it is today- DIVISION. A single cell divided to two, from two it went on to being four and from four to being eight and so on. At this very precise moment too the universe is expanding. In the limited physical space inside you, your brain expands like a river carving new ways and exploring new directions.Division is inevitable and as one thing grows, the other decays- The balance of the nature as they say.

 Then came division of things in black and white. Black for bad and good for white. White reflects all and black absorbs all. With every single colour in it, just think how beautifully complex black is, How beautiful the bad is.
 For once just think of sin as an art and the sinner as an artist.Like the idea of a painting slowly forms itself in a painter's mind, the notion of sin grows itself in the mind over time. As the idea of painting comes to form as brush strokes on canvas, The sin all of a sudden conjures itself. There is something very tempting about the things we are forbidden to do.The more we try to limit ourselves, the more we are driven by the idea of defying our limits.

Sick of giving titles! Huh!

So.. As I have no clue when I will feel the need to do something up here again, I will put something more  today itself when I am not lazy .Credit: To my exam tomorrow because of which I want to do anything but study. Therefore, To entertain myself, This time I am going to bug you with few clicks of mine.

Sky. And Dragonfly.
The patterns fascinate me. Remembering the times when I used to run behind these and the inexplicable stupid vibration the produced in the fingers which got hold of them. :)

Because no words can enunciate what rains make me feel

Selfless love.

"My poets vanity dies in shame before thy sight. O master poet, I have sat down at thy feet. Only let me make my life simple and straight, like a flute of reed for thee to fill with music." - Tagore.

A penny for your thoughts. Random thoughts of mine.

Phew.. Back after a long looooooooong time. I have been very busy lately.. ( Well, Atleast I thought so. No one around me did. People need to understand being lazy demands a lot of will power too! ) So my dear people this time I am not going to bore you with paragraphs but with some boring one-liners!! :P

1. Good and Bad are nothing but traits seperated by a fine thread of acceptance.

2. Of all, Even the purest thing called love needs to be proven.

3. Boredum and loneliness are the only truths shared by wise and unwise alike.

4. The shadow is the only image with every uncertaintity contained.

5.When deeds fail, Words speak. And when words fail, Deeds speak.

6.He is the happiest man alive who every night sleeps without any thoughts of coming morning.

7.If a man is succesful, It is only because he fears his own potential a lot.

8.When you have a reason to live, either every moment smiles past or every moment is an eternity lost.

9.Deprive the sky of stars and garden of flowers. Moon will be lonely and greenry would not amuse.

10.The sole reason for being with someone is they expect you to grow while accepting you as you are. :)

11.Big achievements always bring along inseperable failures. A man on top is the one who failed in everything but his work.

12.Rapacious time always had the bad habit of taking with itself best of our memories.

13.A touch can instill millon symphonies.

14.The stories of great heroes are the ones that inspire one but entertain nienty-nine.


15. It is the light that makes you blind.

16.If life never installed unfair means, we would have had discovered new ways of being in grief.

17.The very charm of best things is that they often unnoticed.

18.Celebrated are those who inspire millions, all the way lying to themselves.

19.The tragedy of our age is - In our yearning to make communication easier, We are left with no time to communicate.

Huh! Won't bother typing more! So bye-bye! :D

Yet another random conversation with myself.

One of those random days, I try to know what "Love" actually means. But hey people! Don't take me wrong. This post is not yet another post about a boy-girl love or blah! !
Love is the purest and happiest feeling of all. Yet undoubtedly it remains the feeling that  makes yu cry the most.
You may not be able to sleep because your mom is sick. You take a day off just to spend time with your family.You keep part of your chocolate for your sibling. You fight with your best friend and are hurt more than he is. You listen to a song and cry because of the memories it brings.You smile to the same unknown person every morning on your walk. You feel sorry for the people struck by a disaster in some other part of the world.
This is 'Love".
Not just people. You love your pet and frequently keep falling for some book or movie character.You never forget looking at the evening sky or whenever it rains can't resist getting drenched!You can't live without giving meaning to canvas or you can't do without clicking something candid each day. You don't leave home without your watch or never start your day without prayer.
This is 'Love'.But then.. There are some extreme cases too.Some want more fame or are never contented with the lucre they make.Hahaha! And how can we leave out the distress of a guy whose girl loves shopping more than him!
But then, In the end, its all "Love" Same love that defines you and me. So people, Never be afraid of confessing your love.

Because even if you hate something,You can always love hating it.

Someday.

"Now I am living..in your afterglow.."

I am here. You are there. All we have in common is miles in between. And a silent promise.

Every time I look up at the moon,my first thought is would you be looking at the same moon? Or here too  keeping us apart are clouds? Wait has become so much synonymous to life that I now find myself unable to make out any kind of difference in both. Huh!This life won't give up so easily! But then, Even I won't. :) So, Its just a long wait now.We have been through years and its only few more days now. But with every single passing day,the longing to see you again grows over me more. And more. And only five things cloud my mind-Desirous me, Far you, A hundred miles, A little dream and A lot of hope.
And out of these five, Its only the hope that helps me survive.
You are turning into a dream that every night gets more closer to my heart and each morning, gets more out of reach. Ah! So very far you are. But still there is hope that - Someday, We will see each other again.

Someday. :)

My dear Prince Charming..

A plain rugged off blue denim. Black shirt. Handsome face. Attractively heighted. Sexy undone messy hair. Perfectly coal black piercing eyes. And a seductive expression. You sat all the way over there in front of me after every twenty-two hours for two hours everyday.

And still I was supposed to act casual and perfectly normal! Huh! But hey!! Don't worry. It has been very easy. All I have to do is to - Stop laughing at your class time comments, Stop smiling each time your voice encounters my ears, Stop skipping a heartbeat each time you take my name, Stop being speechless everytime I caught you staring at me, Stop being in seventh heaven each time you call me for no-so-specific reason, Stop being nervous each time you hold my hand for the game, Stop being glad each time you ask for no one else's notes but mine, Stop being amused each time you try to make me laugh at your silly jokes, Stop praying that the class never gets over, Stop listening to the song you played hundred times, Stop thinking about you every time I go to bed and every time I wake up. So, There's not much I have to quit doing.You see, Its not a big deal actually.

I mean you are a total hunk but seriously not of my type. You are a 'each-night-party' guy and this party thing is just not me. You have gotta 'I-don't-care' attitude , Which is not me again. You don't worry about your future because you know you would do good wheresoever life takes you. Your friends are the hippiest and coolest ones( And yeah! Totally spoilt!) whereas I prefer being with so-called-nerds but genuine people. You are a liar, womanizer.. And as I have said before not of my type for sure! So I don't give a damn about whatever you are! 

Finally I would like to ask a totally idiotic question-  "Am I supposed to lie anymore like I have been doing in the last two stanzas?"

Long long dormancy!

Hey people. Good to get back again here.January, February... and its midst of march now. I have been a very busybee recently (well that's my side of the story! To others, I was as lazy as I could ever be.!)
But it was a good time actually. I restored communications with people I lost all hope of talking again to. I got low and then got up yet again. There came a time when the sand ran out of my hand and I can do nothing but watch people leave. So, ultimately, I left everything and had time for myself.. Away from distractions and everything( Not to mention I have never been as crazy as I have been lately!). But all's well that ends well!! I am back to being myself now. And as Mr. Wilde quoted , " Life has been described as a comedy to those who think and tragedy to those who feel."- This sentence has played a major role actually( only after Bobot's role) in getting me through every stupid mess I made.  I tried painting not for other but solely for myself..I tried my hand at photography..I would like to share few clicks of mine. So people do lemme know I click okay okay or not! ( If you need any of the images, let me know. I would love to share.). May you all have a good time!!

Obstacles.

My brother left the T.V. for me.Finally.Gosh! I am soo much happy!Now I will have the remote in my hand for 1hour-compelete-60 minutes! Just imagine!Now I am going to watch my favourite talk show.

No wait. Quick look at the clock.Arrr.It must be over by now. Why the hell my luck is so unfavourable always?
No problem. There must be something worth watching still."Kittu.." "Uff!! ayi mamma!"

Half hour past.
Back again.
"Trin-trin" 2557*** .Trusha!
"Hello? Afterall yaad aa hi gayi kisi ko!" "Kaam tha to aa gayi varna.."
15 minutes.
"Chal bye "
"Maine call kia hai balance bhi mera hai then what's the problem?"

"Nahi bye yaar.Coaching time"
I want to watch T.V. you stupid!

Phew! Fifteen minutes still left! Butterflies in stomach.forget them. Now chuha-billi there to join the colourful butterflies.Oh yeah! I have my part of maggi left yet uneaten! Bhagoo! To the kitchen! I am supergirl! 
In my over-excitement.. thud!
Betrayer maggi now all over the floor! Damn!
:'(
Mamma: "Clean it.Now."
:'( :'(
 10 more minutes.sob sob..

NOW WHATSOEVER HAPPENS I WILL WATCH THAT IDIOT BOX.NOTHING ELSE.

But how could Mr.Murphy not play his part?

Quite in control now I searched for the remote.
On the bed? No. On the table? Naa..
ANYWHERE? Disappointment.

Seach properly.
ITS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN!

Mujhe bagavat ki boo aa rahi hai.. My brother's conspiracy!
I won't leave it. I will do it.(It appered as though whole of my life was based on this search.As if this is my only aim of life!)

Knock.Knock. Okay dear brain stop knocking. Be good and let intution play its role.
Knock.Again.
Shutup!
It was only after half a minute(when time is precious you count every single second passing) that I realized that it was the door. Soo stupid!

Guests.Arr..
Half hour more..Luckily my brother hasn't show up yet. Back to pavallion.
Now where's the remote?Search begins again.

"Time is up. hat vaha se."
"Mummy! Maine abhi tak nahi dekha not done!"
"Tumhari galti.Its his time now. Get back to studies now."
My brother comes and picks up the remote kept over the idiot box.
Arrrr.....

My part of happiness.

I don't know what made me turn but so I did unknowingly.He was right there infront of me.I stared for a minute or so.So did he. There were just too many words unspoken.Its weird how the person I used to know too much once now stands in front of me as a compelete stranger.Tears welled up but never fell.It was as if I turned into a statue or something.
No, this is not him.I tried to convience myself.
He is dead to me. He was not heartless like the person infront of me. He was someone who cared about people around him not this guy who is the meanest and the most selfish person I have ever came across.He was someone whose eyes always reflected truth but this person is full of lies and totally hollow.He was someone who could go to any extent to see me smiling.But this person doesn't even bothered when I stood completely miserable and helpless.With much difficulty I managed to collect all the shattered parts of myself and was prepared to move the other way.
Then came she.And it all came back again.She looked at me as if she had defeated me in some world war. Not having any idea what to do,
I ran away.From the person who never cared.

And from the girl who had my part of happiness.

Lulled to existance.

And as I sat there aimlessly, the realization of breathing lulled me to existence.But the lullaby was not in any manner soft or sweet. It was loud.And harsh.And hard.

Its been too much of me not knowing myself. I was drowned so much in others life that I forgot that I too had one. The only problem was I cared too much, I guess. STOP CARING- I heard myself saying but it was all the way too much difficult! How do I not care when people I love are crying? Maybe they never care and always find me there when they need me but I can't help it.I don't even remember what I have been doing  and what I want to do and whatsoever.To live up others' expectations I have completely lost myself.All this is too much for me to take in.I struggle to think of one thing I did which I really wanted.

It then started to drizzle. Half drenched I forced myself to walk back to my room and take a nap, Dreaming that things will change in the strange ten hours.

And I woke up next morning to the same sun, same routine, same lullaby.And I know the same realization will come back to me again.Someday.

Seven days.

Monday:
Life asked me-"Hey girl! You need something?"
I said:" Nothing at all! I am happy with whatever I have."
Life walks away.Amused.

Tuesday:
Life again comes to me gaily-"So, Changed your mind ,huh?"
"Not yet."
:)
It walks away a bit disappointed but more like amused.

Wednesday:
Life is back: "Soo..."
I am like-"Noo...."
=)
Totally disappointed.

Thursday:
Life-"Do I have to ask the same again?"
"Only if you want."
"You in need of anything?"
Yawns.
Laughs.
Goes away.

Friday:
Life-"Back again!!"
:)
"Okay. Bye."
A bit pissed off.
Saturday:
"???"
"I told NO "
Totally pissed off.

Sunday:
: |
"Yes.I do want something."
"Go to hell! Can't you see its sunday? HOLIDAY.Then it will be monday yet again."
:'(

Stupid it was.And yet we complain life never gives what we ask for.
Moral of the bakwaas story: Never say no to life.

Over.

"Sorry"
"You wont let me live, will you?"
"I said sorry."
"Wow!Thanks for that."
"Thanks for such response."
Tears.More of them.

1 second.
2 seconds..

More than like 1 minute.

"I am changed"
"That is very clear"
"I am not myself.I overreact."
"Yes you do."
"How am I supposed to understand what are you when I dunno what I am?"
"Then don't."
"Goodbye."


*OVER*

The amalgam truth.

There are just too many versions of so-called truth & of the so-called lie.The human capacity to lie looking directly into the eye making others believe its nothing else but truth astonishes me.One may say lie for the selfish sake and one may lie to keep up someone's heart.
Strange enough, No one has lied to me enough to level how much I have lied to myself so far.I always lie to myself everything will be okay when I know only a miracle will help. I always tell myself "I care the least" when i know deep inside nobody cares more than I do.The lies are just too many to ennumerate.Some are awkward,some are promising.
When people know they themselves are their most devoted,most ardent betrayer, why do they expect others to be truthful to them?
Truth itself is the biggest lie.

I love you.

I love you. No, I don't love you.I hate you. I hate you for being what you are.I hate you for being so much provoking.I hate you for looking all the way handsome when all my hair resembles is haystack. I hate you for understanding everything which floats above my head.I hate you for making me feel like a looser when I know I am the winner. I hate you for looking so tempting when all I can look like is a ghost. I hate you for being perfect at almost everything when I still don't have any idea what I am I good at.I hate you for making me jealous every time I  caught a girl's eye staring at you.I hate you when you flirt with some other girl when someone who loves you is right here! I hate you for making me think of you every single night.I hate you for making me act stupid when i caught you staring me. I hate you for giving that so alluring, so enchanting smile after that.I hate you when you try to talk to me and I(inspite the fact that i want to say too much) find myself incapable of uttering a single word.

Lastly, I hate you for even after you have given me so many reasons to hate you,I still love you.

Desire.

Desire is at the same time the shallowest and the deepest ocean.It does evaporate but it never rains.
But somehow the ocean is always full.